When was the last time someone invited you over to their home for a meal? The kind of meal where people lingered over the conversation, the laughter was hearty, the food was delicious and the evening brings a smile to your face as you think about it.
Hopefully, it was more recent than not. Unfortunately, between chaotic schedules and the convenience of restaurants many people in our fast-paced culture has lost the art of having people over to share a long meal.
Is it easier to eat out a restaurant than have someone over to your home? First, there is the obvious time and effort to clean the house (at least the portion where guests will be), plan a menu, do the shopping, prepare the food, be the host and finally, gather the energy for the cleanup. Plus, we look at beautiful magazines that show us flawless table arrangements and incredible meals that leave even the most creative us a little tired. It all looks so hard.
But hosting a dinner party or brunch does not have to be hard. And, inviting someone over to your home for a meal can be one of the most easiest, yet profound ways to show someone you care and value them. After all, inviting someone to your home is opening up your most precious space to them. This is the place where you and I create our lives. Our joys reside in the home. In these rooms, we plan, dream, fight, cry and hope. Memories are made. Meals are prepared and shared.
There is something special about eating and sharing a place at the table with friends. We can capture the experience in a restaurant- the conversation and sharing that creates bonds, deepens friendship- but not to its full extent. When we walk into a home, or extend our home to someone else- and then bring out food to share and eat, inhibitions subside and sharing begins. Food relaxes the atmosphere and helps people let down their inhibitions. What weights the mind down- the distractions of other people, the challenges at work, the weight of the daily news, these things all goes out the door.
You can't get the same type of relationship building in a restaurant. There are interruptions by other guests and the servers. Distractions abound as dozens of other groups mingle, talk, laugh, and converse. Children add to the plethora of noise and distraction, sometimes good and sometimes unpleasant. The decision of what to eat can distract from the person we are with.
But in the home, whether it is a studio apartment or a spacious ranch house, intimacy and community can be cultivated. There are only a few simple essentials you need to do to create an inviting gathering in your home. Here are simple tips to create a welcoming atmosphere:
1. It's all about your guests. The time will go much better if you focus on the main event- your guest. Don't worry about not cleaning the back patio or finishing the laundry. Shove the laundry in a concealed area and move on. People can feel our anxieties and often reflect them back to us. If you want to have a great time, remember that as much as your guests feel comfortable and welcome in your home, the more open conversation will be and the easier it will be to "break the ice."
2. It starts at the door. This parlays from the first principle. If you answer the door like a headless chicken, the frantic-panic pace will not set your guests at ease! Instead, they come in, many times a) worrying that they are causing a problem by their presence or b) reminding themselves "this is the reason I don't have people over." Open the door with a smile and welcoming words- be enthusiastic, but be yourself. Look people in the eye and state how happy you are that they are there!
3. Enlist help. Being the cook and the hostess is a tough act to pull off. It can be a lot of work (which is why I am convinced so few of us take the time to have people over). Enlist family or a friend to help with setting the table, preparing food or bringing something (drinks, dessert, dishware, etc.) to the gathering.
When I was hosting a dinner for a women's group each Monday over the course of the summer, one of my dearest friends would come over early and help me prepare food and set up the table. I do not have the words to express how much Krislyn eased some of the stress of putting on a weekly dinner and meeting. Her help made me a better hostess!
One of the unintended results of a great time spent together is that it encourages other people do the same. A secret is to have so much fun yourself that your guests want to be a part of it! As they have fun, they thing to themselves, "This was great; I had a great time and so did everyone else. I should do this sometime. Plus, Brianne doesn't make it look too hard. I bet I could put on something like this."
A second" secret" to pulling off a great party element is making the event look "doable," i.e. we don't moan at how long it took us to get the recipe right or arrange the center piece of find a decent spaghetti squash at the store. The atmosphere should be relaxed and friendly. (Music helps too!)
Which brings me to the third secret of a great dinner party- make it a reflection of yourself. If you love to throw together an elaborate dinner and spending three hours in the kitchen is fun, do it. If simplicity is your thing, go for the simple. Grab a rotisserie chicken from the store and throw together a colorful salad and a loaf of rustic French bread. The food is the frosting on the cake, the medium that gets people together and lightens the mood- but it is not the focus! The focus is on the people, the relationship growth and bonding that is occurring.
And building deep relationships, some that will last a lifetime, is worth the effort!
Melissa AuClair is a freelance web writer and social media consultant helping companies develop their online presence through talking online and offline with their customers. An avid baker and writer, she is currently working on her first Christmas memoir & cookbook - A Kitchen Christmas. Visit her at http://www.melissaauclair.com/